feelings

rant under cut
school's starting in four days and i kid you not i'm terrified as hell.
i used to laugh at all the hikkikomoris in animes and scorn them for being cowards but now i know how they feel. why should they bother going to school where everyone hates them and spread rumors about them and overall ignore their person when they have a good reputation online where the people there are kind and don't judge? which one would you choose? of course you'd choose the one that makes you happier, yes?

this holiday has been great so far because of the twitterstucks and tumblrstucks and they're great and i love them all so much and they make me so happy and accepted and welcome i don't feel that way in school i don't feel that way anywhere else. i don't wanna leave and school is starting in four days and i can't deal with walking into aes on 25th knowing i don't belong anymore.

i don't see myself with anyone at all and i don't think anyone remembers the amer from last year. i think i'm the only one who actually vividly remembers 2011 and how happy it was. maybe it's because no one actually liked me in the first place? that would be ok if they told me earlier and didn't string me along till i'm this emotionally invested.

i don't wanna go back to that shithole of a school i don't wanna go back to the dojo i don't wanna take lessons i just wanna die die die die die die die

i hate this feeling i wish it would go away i wish i could be happy attending school again i wish everything would go back to normal this is so weird this is gross i hate this i hate thi si dont' wantne this i dont wantna

fi8ck