Counting clouds.

Soft kitty, 

warm kitty, 

little ball of fur. 

Happy kitty, 

sleepy kitty, 

purr purr purr...

hi again. Why am I even doing daily blogging. Ugh cause' twitter has only 140 characters and I don't wanna spam everyone's timeline. This is gonna be a short, but wordy post.

I've been thinking alot. Sometimes I feel like...my friends are just being forced to do stuff with me. Then when they try to go away, I just snap and blame them for their attitude, but I can't stop this little thing in me saying "It was your fault. It's your attitude that made them this way." . I've managed to bury that feeling for awhile now, since the beginning of the year. I guess you can say I've been living in denial? :/

omg random video of Xander rapping

Recently, I've begun to notice my friends are trying to distance themselves from me. I can't help but ask myself "why?" but then I look back and I haven't really been treating them the best. I guess I've been taking my friends for granted, always believing they'd be there forever like in movies, always thinking they'd be there no matter how I treated them. What should I do? I don't want to tlak to my parents about this, they're already burdened with my family's problems. My attitude sucks, probably, but can't you look past that? I'm not blaming or anything, but, I don't want to feel lonely y'know. It sucks being an only child, for the first thing, but I don't want to be lonely in school too. I hate being lonely. You could say I'm scared of it, cause' I am.

Another thing. If my friends are really trying to distance themselves, then...what were all the pictures I took? Lies? I really don't know anymore.

Base line is, I'm scared of being alone, I don't like being a teenager, I want to go back to being a child. Pure, but I guess I can't have everything huh. I don't know anything. I don't know. I really don't know what's happening...I hate all of this.

It's scary how humans change so quickly...